I go through this slump at
least four days out of a month, and while I've gotten used to it now,
and realize its just a faze of feeling that will pass before I know it
and ill be back to loving what I write. I used to, however, not realize
this. and in the slump time, I would seriously debate my choice to be a
writer. I would think, "maybe I should just give it all up" and then I
would feel so empty, even though I hadn't officially given it up yet, I
would just feel so very lost.
I'm a writer, there
hasn't been a time in my life where I haven't been one, and the very
idea of <I>not</I> writing gives me feelings
of despair, like I've lost myself.
but I'm going off on a wild tangent. I do that a lot.
anyway,
during this week, I again was struggling with "why do I even write if
this is my best?" emotions. I would open documents only to scowl, groan
and close them again with a sigh. my stories weren't wonderful, they
weren't special or captivating. my characters were so very flat, and
all seemed like clones of each other and I just wanted to throw
everything out the window.
my
little siblings watch this oldish (as in, it ended in 2010 or 2011)
children's tv show called "Arthur" which is, if you don't know, about an
aardvark with glasses, his animals friends, and it has such a charming
and well created cast of characters, and occasionally it had famous
guest stars come on.
this particular occasion, I got
on Netflix, queued them up an episode, and as I had nothing better to
do, I sat back and watched it with them.
Neil Gaiman, author of the book Coraline was the guest star this time (he is just a bit adorable as Cat!Neil....*'weird things Chamomile has said' of the day* ) and, as an author, what else could he be guesting about?
writing, for those, who don't want to guess.
In this episode (called falafelosophy, yes I had to google that for the spelling) Sue Ellen, meets Mr. Gaiman (as a, I swear, pretty cute cat...*second weird thing Chamomile has said of the day*) at a book signing, and he inspires her to write a graphic novel. The next day, she is disparing over her novel, and how it seems so uninteresting, and she imagines Neil (her personal, inner, Neil) and he encourages her with " Don't judge your story yet, you just started it".
bam.
I felt that.
I had been only listening half way, half watching, half just thinking, but when Cat!Neil said that, I leaned forward. It spoke to me, for what I was going through at that time. I was judging my novel, and wasn't allowing it to grow to be something great. I was judging my novel by the first chapters, and was discouraging myself from writing any more, and was causing myself to always be in a rut of writing only beginnings, because I would always hate what I had written, and would force myself to restart.
As soon as I could get the computer free to myself, I opened up a document, and wrote four chapters.
and I loved it and it felt bloody wonderful.
it was like.....like, being freed.
Sure, there were things I would write in those four chapters that made me go, "eh. that needs to be fixed someday" but I continued past them instead of shoving the story away in a frump because it wasn't my vision of perfect.
It doesn't have to be perfect in the start.
I just need to get it out.
(and then, I can make it perfect all I want in the second, third, fourth, drafts)
And now, in my journal, I have almost everything Cat!Neil said related to writing written down, for the days I feel like my writing sucks, for the days I think nobody would ever like the collection of words I've strung together into a story, for the days I just really need a pick me up.
Whodathunk that I would be so inspired by an Author whose books I've never even read, and further more, whodathunk it would be by watching him voice an animated cat on a children's show...
writing, for those, who don't want to guess.
In this episode (called falafelosophy, yes I had to google that for the spelling) Sue Ellen, meets Mr. Gaiman (as a, I swear, pretty cute cat...*second weird thing Chamomile has said of the day*) at a book signing, and he inspires her to write a graphic novel. The next day, she is disparing over her novel, and how it seems so uninteresting, and she imagines Neil (her personal, inner, Neil) and he encourages her with " Don't judge your story yet, you just started it".
bam.
I felt that.
I had been only listening half way, half watching, half just thinking, but when Cat!Neil said that, I leaned forward. It spoke to me, for what I was going through at that time. I was judging my novel, and wasn't allowing it to grow to be something great. I was judging my novel by the first chapters, and was discouraging myself from writing any more, and was causing myself to always be in a rut of writing only beginnings, because I would always hate what I had written, and would force myself to restart.
As soon as I could get the computer free to myself, I opened up a document, and wrote four chapters.
and I loved it and it felt bloody wonderful.
it was like.....like, being freed.
Sure, there were things I would write in those four chapters that made me go, "eh. that needs to be fixed someday" but I continued past them instead of shoving the story away in a frump because it wasn't my vision of perfect.
It doesn't have to be perfect in the start.
I just need to get it out.
(and then, I can make it perfect all I want in the second, third, fourth, drafts)
And now, in my journal, I have almost everything Cat!Neil said related to writing written down, for the days I feel like my writing sucks, for the days I think nobody would ever like the collection of words I've strung together into a story, for the days I just really need a pick me up.
Whodathunk that I would be so inspired by an Author whose books I've never even read, and further more, whodathunk it would be by watching him voice an animated cat on a children's show...
I feel like this sooooo often too. But that feeling of being freed is the best, isn't it?
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