Living vicariously through my characters

There's been some STUFF in my life lately that I'd really rather not get into, but basically, it's been rough.  Some people have left, I had a really brief health scare, and some issues have arisen within my extended family.  This has all been over the last week or so, and I've really been scared about the world and about the problems we all face.  Everything seemed to blow up in my face, and I was powerless to stop it. 

And that's when I realized something. 

The thing I'm most afraid of is being powerless.  I hate not knowing what's going to happen and not knowing how to prevent it.  I know most people would say they don't want to know their own future, but I would love nothing more than to jump in the TARDIS and see myself in ten years, if only for reassurance. 

And I think that's why I love writing so much.  I have complete control.  Yes, my characters tell me what they want and I have to adjust to please them, but I can mostly manage their lives to the best of my ability.  Which is why it's so important, at least to me, to throw obstacles and problems in their path. 

This has always been difficult to me.  I LOVE my characters and I don't want to see them unhappy.  I want them to live happily ever after with 2.5 children and a white picket fence.  But by giving them challenges and by placing things in their path to prevent their happiness, I discover another layer within myself.  This layer is one that is reassured by hurting characters.  This layer is one who knows that if a character can get through a much worse struggle, something I invented, then I can get through the problems in my own life.  I sort of live through their problems, and as I comfort them, they also comfort me. 

Often their struggles reflect issues I face in my own life, whether it's the loss of trust or physical loss, or something worse.  And by seeing them fight their way through their problems, I am reminded of both how blessed I am (yes, I am VERY mean to my characters.) and often, I receive a solution that I hadn't even considered before. 

So there is merit, besides dramatic effect, in placing characters in grave danger and taking the things they love most away from them.  Sometimes it just makes you feel better.  And sometimes it gives the much needed encouragement to get through another day.