"Crying when you're happy. That's so human."

Well.  This is it.  Last Sunday afternoon, at 5:03 PM, I officially finished the first draft of "And a Dash of Fear."

I feel like I should have some words of wisdom, to be able to sit here and pour out from my fingertips my feelings, the way I'm overwhelmed, the way I have completed something great.

But here's the thing.  I am overwhelmed.  And no, it's not remotely great.  At least not yet.  So I'm not even sure what to say.  It's a mixture of intense joy, intense pride, and intense pain.  These characters, Adam, Molly, Ianto and Harry, along with all the supporting cast, have been my family since last September.  I love them.  I've laughed and cried with them, and it doesn't just feel like laughing or crying with a computer screen.  They've come alive, they're real, and they're here.  And...I love them.

So I don't really know how to move on.  I have a new novel, Close to Heaven, that I'm planning to use for Nanowrimo, and I'm super excited to start that one.  I've always had an irrational fear of change, and this is a huge change.  For the last six months, every waking moment has been focused on THESE characters and THIS book.  To suddenly say, "That's it, it's over," is really weird for me.

Of course, there's still editing.  It's not like I have to entirely give them up, after all.  The Freaks will be around for some time.  But it's the end of their story.  They've had a good run, and now it's time for them to end.  Adam and Molly will go home and see where they stand in their relationship, Harry will get back together with his girlfriend, and Ianto...you know, I think I'll miss Ianto the most.


Just because, here are the last lines of And a Dash of Fear.  I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I've enjoyed writing it.  That's really all I could dare hope for.

She grabbed his hand unexpectedly, and they walked through the door together.
“Well. This has been something,” Adam said as they settled themselves comfortably on the airplane.
“Yeah,” Molly said. “Thanks for letting me come.”
“Thanks for coming.”
Then he kissed her, soft and slow, suspended above the earth, caught in between time and space, with nothing to distract them and nothing to do but be caught up in the emotion of each other.
And for the first time since he could remember, Adam wasn’t afraid.

 Goodbye, my darlings.  I love you all. 

--Vanilla